i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
