u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
