I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
