I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
