at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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