If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
