I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
