I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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