just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
