I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
