Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
