Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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