did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
