I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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