so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have demons in me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
