Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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