I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
