he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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