I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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