i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
