I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
