There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
