You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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