so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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