definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
