haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
