the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
