Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
