we made out on top of his cat.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
