You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
