At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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