Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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