I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
