i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
