so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
