Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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