omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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