I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
