Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
