hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
