I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
