im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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