what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
