Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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