Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
