I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
