i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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