So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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