You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
