if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
