i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
